Being Single And Christian

I used to enjoy listening to love stories and people telling me how they met their spouse – all so romantic and mhh – how amazing. And now that I’m married, people are always asking me these questions. The first question is always, “how did you guys meet?”. That is always the easy one and most romantic to tell. :

Then the second question is, “How did you know he was the one?”. The answer to this is simple; I didn’t know he was the one. God did not tell me that he was the one- Not so romantic is it? Well, it’s true. I didn’t know that my husband was specifically the one I had been waiting for. But, based on what I had been praying for and who he was to me and God, I decided that he was the one for me. I knew what I wanted in a husband, and I’d prayed for God to prepare me to be the person that the person that I was looking for was looking for. :

When I met my husband I saw those same qualities I had been praying for – things I had decided earlier on that I wanted from a husband – So I decided I’d be blessed if I married him – which proved to be the best decision – so far. :

So you girls know how much I love sharing things with you, and I wish I can tell you how you will find the right person for you – but I can’t, because I don’t believe there’s a formula. God writes these love stories differently for different people. But I know a few things that might help you while you wait:

1. Value Your Private Time With God – I know life gets busy, and I know you are so involved in church and are doing everything you can to keep busy so you don’t have to think about “Boaz”. Your friends are always out with their partners and you seem to be the only one who is still single. Let me break it to you – you already have a Boaz; a relationship at hand …a relationship that needs nurturing, and that needs your attention. It is the most loving and perfect relationship you will ever be in- It is your relationship with God. Use your time as a single person to nature it, to grow yourself, and to learn everything you can about yourself and God. Trust me, even after you are married, the most important relationship you will ever have, is the one you have with your Daddy. :

2. Know What You Want – : 2.- Make up your mind about your dream “Boaz”. Do you remember what the Bible says about a double-minded man? I mean, know what kind of a husband you want to be married to. I’m not talking about how tall and handsome you want him to be – but I mean things that will make your marriage last. Ask your pastor and ask your married friends what to look for in a husband. Ask them what qualities (in him and in you) will make your marriage happy – not perfect – but happy. Make your list and pray about it- Don’t stress or obsesses about it – just pray about it and trust God, because He is faithful.:

3. Don’t Sell Yourself Short By this I mean have standards. Don’t go on dates with every Tom, Dick and Harry who claims to be Christian. The Bible says “You will know a tree by it’s fruit”. You don’t want a guy who only believes in Jesus. The devil believes in Jesus as well, but does he respect Him? Does he do God’s will? Not at all. So then, if this guy believes in God- that’s awesome, but trust me, you want more than that… You want character – you want faith – you want someone who is not ashamed to live out his faith. : You have to see what his priorities are in life- what does he value the most? Again, it’s okay not to date… it’s okay to just look from a distance and say “no thank you”. :

4. Keep The Cookie in a Cookie Jar -I know this to me a sensitive subject, but I won’t shy away from talking about it, because it really matters– Reserve sex for marriage. That is the one of the best things you will ever do for yourself and for your marriage. I can’t stress this enough. A man who really wants to marry you will be willing to wait for you. He will respect those boundaries- I mean what’s the rush anyway? You have the rest of your lives to have sex. :

It’s true- men want sex, while women want marriage… So if you’re already having sex in order to catch or keep your man, then why do you think he will be in any hurry to marry you? Or that he ever will? That’s why God designed it this way… so that for a man to get sex, he will have to truly commit himself to you for the rest of his life, by marriage. :

Then, and only then, will you know for sure, that, besides his sexual attraction to you, he really does love you- who are truly are inside- enough to be with you forever, and therefor deserves to have sex with you. But if you give it up before he marries you, well, you’re just shooting in the dark; hoping he loves you enough to one day marry you. :

This is not to say that if a man loves you, that that means he will always be resilient to temptation. It’s not in his perfection that you will know his heart, but in his intention, desire and willingness to do what is right. I know that even with the best of people, sometimes mistakes happen. So if it happens, just pull yourself up and look to God. I am no judge – God is gracious to us all…as they say I can’t judge you because I sin differently than you. :

Temptation is inevitable, but that doesn’t make sin right – you can still say no. If you are not married – be very intentional – put sex off the table, and make sure he knows that this is your standard from the first few days that you talk. If he wants to leave – then it’s better now than later when you have invested your emotions.:

Oh, and I have to say this – Many Christian boys will try and “get lucky” – but always remember – no one deserves that part of you besides your husband. God is not trying to keep you from ‘enjoying life’ or ‘sex’, He is your dad and He loves you – but He is just protecting you. You are a fragile creation – you hurt and break easily, and pre-marital sex is one of the main reasons why so many woman are so wounded. God loves you and He wants a husband for you who will treat you like the princess that you are. If you decide that you want to wait – you are worth that wait and trust me; the man that is worthy of you – will wait for you. It won’t be easy, but the husband God wants for you will care about you and your relationship with God and will want the best for you. He’ll want to present you a Holy sacrifice to God – Holy and pleasing to Him.:

5. Don’t settle – Once you have done all of the above, and have decided what you want– stick to your list. Years may go by and you may change your mind about many things, but the important things will never change. You may forget what you said you wanted, but God never forgets. :

Remember a lot of things about the person can change – you can always get better clothes, you can always get a better house or car – that can be compromised – if these things meant so much to you, remember that God is your provider first before your husband– so God has your back. :

But a person’s values will be very hard to change… And his love for God– you cannot make Him love God more– it’s his choice. You cannot change the condition of his heart and you cannot teach him respect. You cannot teach him to forgive or to love his family better. Does he show unconditional love and commitment to his family (no matter how messed up he thinks they are)? –the kind of love that shows his level of commitment in general and that displays unconditional love for someone other than himself? Now those are things you probably don’t want to compromise. :

Remember to trust God and to pray for what you desire! (Matt 7:9-11):

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or prayer requests – don’t hesitate to write to me: :


Stay blessed Nontobeko Cox and Aaron Cox

One Response

  1. Thanks for sharing this article it has strengthened my resolve to keep on trusting in God for my spouse.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to Top